Fun, Jokes & Captions - Charlton Life

Subbuteo Anyone?

bingaddick — Thu, 17 May 2012 23:39:40 +0000

Who amongst us used to play? For those of my generation and pre-computer games, this was what me and my mates played from about aged 10 to around 15 in those cold and wet winter evenings when we could be outside playing.

My first set was very basic with two teams, a red and white one and a blue and white one. As I got more into it, pretty much all my pocket money was saved to by new team sets. I had Chelsea, Blackpool, England, Wolves, Burnley, amongst others.

I also splashed out on new goals which were easier to hold, and smaller balls which could be hit harder. One of my mates bought Floodlights as well.

The picture above includes a mark 2 goalkeeper which had an easy to hold plastic handle. The original ones had metal handles.

We held tournaments and even had a trophy awarded to the winner.

Michael Owen To Sign ....

Mendonca In Asdas — Thu, 17 May 2012 11:40:39 +0000

On?

Just been released by Man United

Special Royal Would ya?

DA9 — Thu, 17 May 2012 08:36:24 +0000

Apparently Prince Phillip would

New Word Game

sadiejane1981 — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 08:59:38 +0000

RULES: TAKE WORD FROM POST BEFORE AND EITHER CHANGE ONE LETTER, CHANGE ORDER OF THE LETTERS, ADD ONE LETTER, OR TAKE ONE AWAY TO MAKE A NEW WORD, FOR EXAMPLE; 'BAKE' CAN BECOME 'CAKE' (CHANGING 1 LETTER) OR 'BRAKE' (ADDING ONE LETTER). TRY NOT TO REPEAT ANY WORDS.

****ANAGRAMS ARE NOW ALLOWED**** AS ONE MOVE

FIRE

Proper Would ya?

DA9 — Wed, 16 May 2012 10:29:09 +0000

Would ya?

Saga Lout — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:57:22 +0000

Lesley Sharp

Stewart Downing's Season, on DVD & Blu-Ray now!

I-SAW-POUSO-PLAY — Tue, 15 May 2012 08:18:25 +0000

Football ground location game

O-Randy-Hunt — Mon, 14 May 2012 12:59:38 +0000

Not sure if this has been put on here before but it's a pretty decent game if your bored at work.

Closest I got was 5 km to stadium:mk

football-league.co.uk/gameswide/20101001/football-league-ground-location-game_2293554_1832558

Jokes..

Fishnets — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:54:36 +0000

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet.
'Best before End'

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'

I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood.' I said, 'Where is he then?'

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened.. I said 'I careered off the road'

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'

I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'

Quiz

Henry Irving — Mon, 14 May 2012 09:25:06 +0000

Parts 2 and 3 of the Bromley Addicks pairs quiz

Internationals

6 42 caps for Bulgaria
7 Our only USA international
8 Two England caps 1964 - 65
9 Three England caps 1938 - 9
10 Our only Portugese International

Friends Reunited (squad numbers of former Addicks who appeared on squad lists for games against us 2011/12 season)

11. 15 for Wycombe Wanderers
12 32 for Sheff Weds
13 9 for Leyton Orient
14 10 for MK Dons
15 18 for Notts Co.

[STICKY] There is no

Miserableoldgit — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 10:35:47 +0000

sticky.

jogging

nth london addick — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 16:39:38 +0000

As most of you are aware I am a fat bstd tonight I decided to do something about it, just went for a 2 mile jog with my super slim fitness fanatic nephew, Jesus Christ I ache all over and I have committed to doing it twice this week and 3 times a week from next, god fecking help me

Veet for Men: This made smile : )

T.C.E — Fri, 11 May 2012 12:22:55 +0000

http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_pr_top_link_1?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&filterBy=addFiveStar&tag=vig-21

My night of passion with Bonnie Langford

3blokes — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 13:20:02 +0000

I have read with interest the tales on here of celebrity punching and other encounters with both the great and good, and I feel it is now time for me to share with you all a memorable time I once had with that national treasure - Bonnie Langford.
It was a chance encounter at a busy London station that our paths crossed, it was a modern day Brief Encounter but with travelcards and a South London accent.
I was standing on an empty platform, when I turned and saw Bonnie next to me. Our eyes met but for an instant, and she turned away.
But I knew immediately.
She was gagging for it.
Maybe she had seen me playing at The Tramshed, the second to headline act, in a band on the brink of a residency in Chatham, maybe it was the irresistible lure of my mullet in the breeze that stirred a longing in her that she could barely contain.
There we were, her already a big star ( well hardly big- she had apparently walked under the ticket barrier) a household name who had shrieked and tap danced her way into a nation's affections, and me, a rising name barely just 15 years away from recording Santa is a Charlton fan.
It was inevitable.
We were a volcano ready to blow. She was the hot flowing magma, and I was the imminent urgent release of sulphur.
It was like Anthony and Cleopatra, Hart to Hart, Cannon and Ball.
And as explosive and powerful as it was, it could only be short lived.
We both knew it.
We would only burn ourselves out, it would consume us, if we did not walk away before it was too late.
We stood there, in silence, both caught up and lost in a simmering inferno of desire.
Finally, unable to bear it any longer I took a step closer to her.
I shall never forget the way she looked at me nor the urgent huskiness in her voice as she whispered
" If you come any nearer, I shall call security."
I stepped back a moment, my mind a whirl.
Already, Bonnie? I cried inside myself, hardly believing the heavy stench of betrayal in the air. Already, Bonnie, you want to introduce another man into what we have!?
In the end I looked away, lest she see the tears in my eyes.
We both knew it was over.
My last view was of her trying to clamber up the first step of the carriage.
I never saw her again.
I don't appear in her biography. Indeed it is almost as if I have been airbrushed out of her life.
If you asked her now, she would probably try to pretend it did not even happen.
But for a brief moment on that heady summer's day we were linked together at Euston Station.
Platform 4.

I fancy us to win 2-0. :-)

The Olympics - Guaranteed Medal wins for Britain

Greenie — Fri, 11 May 2012 08:29:46 +0000

The Olympics will be here in a couple of months. So with that in mind I had a thought about the events we will win, cant think of many to be honest, however what if we include some things that Britain is 'good' at that would guarantee us a gold medals?

I think the following events will be winners.

Drunken gutter puking

Dogging

The 100 meter Hoodie chase

Queuing

The very polite 'after you'

Anymore boys and girls? *Its Friday and I'm bored at work*

The Official animated gifs thread

JT — Thu, 03 May 2012 16:00:17 +0000

Rather than polluting the forum with them, stick them all in here.

Charlton Life FM

cafcdan18 — Mon, 07 May 2012 16:29:32 +0000

Just a bit of fun, from the matchday programme:

First Dance at Your Wedding:
Karaoke Song of Choice:
Guilty Pleasure:
First Single You Ever Bought:
A Song You Hate That Everyone Else Loves:

BWPs Birthday cake

Henry Irving — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 15:50:21 +0000

Not Safe for Work

https://twitter.com/#!/hayesy9/status/179555978335879168/photo/1

Would Ya

SE10 — Fri, 04 May 2012 23:22:59 +0000

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/mayor/article7309903.ece/ALTERNATES/w620/Siobhan+Benita

Billy Davies

Leroy Ambrose — Thu, 03 May 2012 19:40:38 +0000

Just realised who he looks like. It's been bugging me for years. Anyone remember the X Files? Points to the first person to spot the lookalike...

Amazon Reviews

Strasburger — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:05:19 +0000

http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD

Very funny, might not be SFW in some places of work!

5 Things You Just Don't Get

Chirpy Red — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:43:50 +0000

The "Is it me?" thread. Things that appear very popular with the masses but just leave you cold -

1) U2

2) Beetroot

3) American Football

4) Fairytale of New York - The Pouges and Kirsty McCall

5) The Mighty Boosh

Charlton Quiz

Henry Irving — Fri, 04 May 2012 12:56:17 +0000

100 questions in sets of five taken from last months Bromley pairs Quiz.

Each set of five are on a particular subject. As you will see they start easy and then get harder. These were the actual questions used last month.

NO GOOGLING

I'll do a few today and then some more over the summer

Charlton Players

1. Scorer of Wembley hat-trick in May 1998
2. Ever present goalkeeper in 1989-90
3. Striker signed from Spurs in 1978 who played over 200 games
4. Scored 28 goals but just missed out on promotion in 1957-8
5. Full back who featured in 3 promotion sides and played 417 games

Spooky

Chirpy Red — Tue, 01 May 2012 14:20:18 +0000

http://uk.movies.yahoo.com/blogs/editors/real-harry-potter-ron-hermione-found-school-photo-103553240.html

Woy's Team News

CharltonHeston68 — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 11:27:22 +0000

Hodgson reveals new England line up: Gween , Wichards, Tewwy, Wio, Bwidge, Gewwawd, Cawwick, Wodwell, Bawwy ,Cawwoll , Wooney .
Friendlies coming up against Wussia , Womania & Wepublic of Iwerland ...
Hodgson to bring in ex Liverpool & Iswail Stwiker Wonny Whosenthal onto the coaching staff alongside Way Wilkins & Bwyan Wobson

Palace lardy boys?

F-Blocker — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 15:44:41 +0000

Ten and a half things you never knew about Preston

Henry Irving — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:36:45 +0000

1. Preston is now for administrative purposes in Yorkshire although the locals refuse to accept this and will often stone and set fire to Yorkshire council vans and dust carts.

2. Having won the double in first season of the football league Preston do not need ever change their colours when there is a clash but have waved this privalige to sell more replica shirts

3. Preston are called North End after a poem by Percy Byshe Shelley who once visited the town.
It reads

"in Preston, the North does now End
before the wastes of Bruce's land begin"

4. Preston were robbed of a league Championship in 1954 when there star play Tom Finney was taken off at half time to fix a blockage in the directors toilets. There was a large floater causing a flood and Finney, a qualified plumber, was told to deal with it. With no subs PNE played with 10 men and gave up a 2 - 0 lead to Wolves who pipped Preston to the league on goal average that season.

Your brazilian footy name

oohaahmortimer — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:02:31 +0000

http://www.midfielddynamo.com/fancythat/yourbrazilian.htm

The Olly Thread!

Glovepup — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:48:54 +0000

Original!

Edits:

Barca React With Signing Everyone's Been Calling For

Chirpy Red — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 22:09:06 +0000

Ban This Barbaric Sport

Addickted — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 17:56:05 +0000

With Respect.

On Sunday, another amatuer jogger lost their life during the cruel race we know as The London Marathon. This is the eleventh participant who has died during this race since it's inception.

During the Marathon, 4,923 runners and members of the public needed assistance. In 2011, 6,000 needed help - many for heat exhaustion linked to the hot weather on the race day.

This is an unacceptable situation in 2012 and we should do all we can to prevent it happening again - it is inhumane to allow death and severe injuries to happen for the sake of 'fun' and 'charitable donations'.

I don't believe the race should be banned, but I propose that at the very least, the authorities should make some changes.

Firstly, the marathon is obviously too long and too dangerous for the competitors - it should be reduced in length by a minimum of 10 miles.

Secondly, it appears to get faster and faster every year. We need to slow it down by introducing chichanes, hurdles and those sticks that dogs go in and out of at Crufts.

Finally, despite the rain, the going was not soft enough. The whole course should have been watered and under a minimum of 150mm of water. I know that some people will say that it is an unfair advantage to those running in deep sea divers costumes of indeed those with flippers, snorkels and masks, but if that is the price we need to pay to make this race safer then so be it.

Last Game at Home - Visitors Fancy Dress

BDL — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 11:21:15 +0000

Last year our visitors dressed as Oompa Loompah's, this year over 160 of them wil be coming as Smurfs!

Well done the Poolies, I cannot wait to see the Jimmy Seed as a sea of blue!

Caption Time!

Chirpy Red — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:27:03 +0000

People who are never wrong........

March51 — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 07:40:46 +0000

.......despite overwhelming evidence to the contary:

Wives/partners

Football referees

Football club chairman

,,,are pretty near the top of the list, any others?

Newcastle Brown Commercial.

limeygent — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 12:48:24 +0000

When I left the U.K. in the 70s, this was a naughty word. Is it no longer? Not a word you hear over here, so I was surprised to see this on T.V.

Easter would ya?

RedMist — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 15:22:58 +0000

Mary poppins?

I think i need Help.....

Mendonca In Asdas — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 21:43:31 +0000

After a monster car journey to Oldham & back yesterday, my son was keen to play his new copy of Now 81 , on the way up and on the way back ... problem is i really like the song by One Direction, 'One thing' i can't stop playing it over and over again , i am getting really concerned as where does this lead to.... i can't stand boyband music normally ?

buying an album ....
Going to watch them on tour ...

I'm getting worried and don't want to go down a slippery slope...

any helpful suggestions?

She was only the Chorister’s daughter, but...

InCurbsWeTrusted — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:34:04 +0000

...she’d do the lot for a tenor!

Hall of Shame

LenGlover — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:57:37 +0000

Pre 1950

1950-1980

1980-2010

Brazilian Would Ya

LeaburnForEngland — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 08:09:15 +0000

http://tinyurl.com/brqlukj

It's the laugh that does me....

moleo88 — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 09:50:36 +0000

Lincoln fans celebrating a goal

Henry Irving — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 14:11:13 +0000

- Watch the guy in the flat cap and braces

http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/8486/38/

How To Piss Off The Other Team's Fans!!

covered end junior — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:08:56 +0000

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=3e9_1333265351

Would Ya?

The Red Robin — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:42:45 +0000

Canadian Joke

BCharles — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 01:18:56 +0000

A Canadian Joke for the forum

So this young Polar bear comes home from school and says to his father " Dad, you're a Polar bear right?

"Yes of course I am" he replies a bit confused

Next day the boy comes home and asks "Mom's a Polar bear also right?"

"What a silly question" he answers

All week the lad arrives home asking "are Grandpa and Grandma Polar bears?". "Are Aunty and Uncle Polar bears?"

By Friday his Dad has had enough of it. When the boy arrives home from school he says "What's going on with you, every day it's another question - is your Mother a Polar bear, are Grandpa and Grandma a Polar bear. What is the problem?!"

And the lad replies

I'm f'ing freezing

Youtube

tangoflash — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 05:30:42 +0000

Just thought it might be good to have a thread for any random youtube clips anyone wanted to put on.

I've just stumbled on this which for some reason made me chuckle......................

Harry Hill's TV Burp

Chirpy Red — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:03:45 +0000

The Nelson Mandela 90th Birthday bit. Was that not the funniest thing you've seen for years?
Had me and Mrs Chirps crying......

Room 101

Dave2l — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 10:54:45 +0000

If on the show what would you put in room 101? It's always a good question.

I'd put
1. Winter olympics - no1 cares.
2. Japanese animated programmes - there weird.
3. Mcdonalds - fuel for the fattys when they could be healthy.

I didn't do mario justice but...

Dave2l — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 22:30:22 +0000

Played football tonight and it's quite rare for me to put one in the back of the net as I'm a defensive player. Day off work today and decided to make an undershirt with 'Why always Dave' on it. I did score in the 1st 10 mins, wacked the shirt up and gave it the ballotelli attitude, it was a bit clumsy but I felt like a god. My mates reaction was shock as I'm usually the quiet one. I do love football.